In the US, we have been hearing about an Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation (title of a report released in 2023 by the Surgeon General at that time, Vivek Murthy). A 2024 Harvard study on Loneliness in America found that 21% of adults in the U.S. feel lonely, with many respondents feeling disconnected from friends, family, and/or the world. This is not unique to the US, as there are ministers of loneliness in Japan and the UK. It is also not a new phenomenon. In 2000 Robert Putnam published the best seller, Bowling alone, which described the loss of community in the US, especially the decline in membership in civic associations and religious groups. This week, there was an interesting interview on this topic on NPR (Fresh Air) with Derek Thompson, the author of a recent article in The Atlantic, entitled The anti-social century. In that article Thompson writes that “Americans are spending less time with other people than in any other period for which we have trustworthy data, going back to 1965… Self-imposed solitude might just be the most important social fact of the 21st century in America.” While this continues the trend described in Putnam’s book, Thompson sees its growth in part due to the Corona pandemic. He cites, for example, the fact that in the US in 2023, 74 percent of all restaurant traffic came from takeout and delivery, rather than dining in, a development clearly accelerated by the pandemic.
Another cause he cites, and discussed in the Harvard study as well, is technology, i.e. the use of smart phones and social media, a topic addressed in Sherry Turkle’s book, Alone Together, and regularly lamented in mainstream media. People (across the world) are spending time they used to share in person with family and friends now glued to their smartphones watching short videos and engaging in shallow text exchanges. Attention spans have become short and long-form reading has declined (as my colleagues often lament), a phenomenon discussed in the bestseller by Nicolas Carr, The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains. Thompson argues (in the NPR interview), however, that in some cases the online world has deepened relationships, for example, the opportunity to stay continuously connected throughout the day by texting: “So the inner ring of intimacy has grown stronger, or it’s potentially grown stronger for some people, in this age of the smartphone”. At the same time, the Internet provides the opportunity for “networks of shared affinities”, the chance to build community across widely distributed groups based on shared interests.
Loneliness can lead to depression and an unhealthy cycle of withdrawal from social contact, something we as human beings are genetically conditioned to experience. There are also societal and political consequences, according to Thompson. He argues that there is an important social layer that is being left behind, that is situated in between the intimate group of close friends and family and the more distant (mostly) online affinity groups: “The inner ring of intimacy is strengthening, and the outer ring of tribe is also strengthening, there’s a middle ring of what he [Marc Dunkelman, a researcher at Brown University] calls the village that is atrophying. And the village are our neighbors, the people who live around us.” According to Thompson, we have increasingly socially isolated ourselves from our neighbors, particularly when our neighbors disagree with us. Interestingly, he connects this to the rise of political populism:
We’re not used to talking to people outside of our family that we disagree with, and this has consequences on both sides. On – for the Republican side, I think it’s led to the popularization of candidates like Donald Trump, who essentially are a kind of all-tribe, no-village avatar. He thrives in outgroup animosity. He thrives in alienating the outsider and making it seem like politics, and America itself, is just a constant us-versus-them struggle. So I think that the anti-social century has clearly fed the Trump phenomenon.
Thompson points out the media have accelerated this process (as I have discussed), with people increasingly only accessing media outlets that carry points of view they agree with, further reinforcing the echo chamber of the “tribe” we belong to. Thompson’s solution?
To connect all of this back to the anti-social century, we all need to get out a little bit more. And if we want to be appropriate and wise consumers of news, we want to be wise consumers of news that make us sometimes feel a little bit uncomfortable about the future…I do recognize there’s a collective action problem here to solve. But I also think it’s really important not to overcomplicate this by suggesting that requires some enormous cultural shifts. I think that our little decisions, the little minute-to-minute decisions that we make about spending time with other people, these decisions can scale. They create patterns of behavior. And patterns of behavior create cultural norms.
So in the end he offers a bit of hope, that increases in individual social connections (including beyond our comfort level) can have positive societal repercussions.
Or maybe we will be going in the opposite direction, establishing connections not with our fellow citizens but with an AI lover (Yikes!). Or maybe connecting with robots? As being tried out in Japan.
I completely agree that there is genuine value in “getting out more.” On Reddit, I used to see people telling each other to “go touch grass” and stop “doom scrolling,” which at first felt like throwaway internet slang. But in my own life, I’ve noticed that since I cut down on social media, I’ve met more people who share my perspective—and these interactions have done wonders for my mental health. Social media can feel like it’s teeming with negativity or even bots, whereas real-life connections are more meaningful and fulfilling.
A recent NPR interview with Derek Thompson, author of The Anti-Social Century, underscores how the pandemic fueled our isolation: we’re dining out less, relying more on takeout, and spending much time on our smartphones. I don’t know that my bubble has expanded, per se. I haven’t been talking to Trump supporters. However, Thompson’s advice—and mine, based on empirical evidence—is to consciously step away from our screens and foster more in-person connections, even when it pushes us beyond our comfort zones.
Small decisions like meeting a friend for coffee or chatting with a neighbor can make a profound difference, creating new social norms that counteract isolation. Take a short weekend trip to catch up with an old friend! Having made the effort, I can vouch that these little steps add up, offering a sense of community and belonging that no algorithm can replicate.
I was reading the blog, and I felt like you were describing something I see all around me. I stay connected to my closest friends and family members through group chats, FaceTime, and social media, so that inner circle is solid. I also depend on online communities where I can connect with other Black students and people who get my experiences. Those places make me feel seen in ways that are really fundamental. Beyond that circle, though, I have to admit I don’t know my neighbors very well, and I don’t interact very frequently with people who don’t think like me.
I notice this divide most on campus. Students group together with their own kind, and although we take classes together, we don’t frequently interact across those lines. I think about how my parents grew up knowing everyone on their block, and how far we’ve come from there. Instead of interacting face to face, most of us turn to media that confirms what we already believe. That way, it is easier to tune out those who are physically near and harder to deal with disagreement when it does occur.
As a Black student, I can see both sides of this. Online communities offer a sense of community I do not always get face to face, especially in white-dominant spaces. But at the same time, I know that those online relationships are not enough. I do need the intimate support of my inner circle, but I also need to try to build bridges with others who are unlike me, whether they are classmates, professors, or even neighbors I’ve never spoken to.
I agree that it does start with the small choices. I cannot fix loneliness in society, but I can put myself into situations where I interact with people outside of my comfort zone. That may be something as easy as going to a new student organization, going to an event instead of staying home, or just saying hello to someone I normally walk past. It may be uncomfortable at first, but I think that is the point. If more of us took those small steps, little by little we would rebuild the kind of community we all need.